After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
