Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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