This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize