She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
