we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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