His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
