i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
