You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
