you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
