After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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