I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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