We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
