I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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