You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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