No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
