Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
