I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
