oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
