Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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