I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You pole danced in your parka.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
