Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
