I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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