At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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