Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
