oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
