We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
