i already hear my dad disowning me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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