Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
