Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
