can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
