white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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