Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
