South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i think i have two assholes
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
