It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
