wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
