The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
