quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
