I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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