i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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