How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
