I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
