your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
be right there i have to get my cape
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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