Just cropdusted the office
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
