Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
