saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
