There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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