Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
