i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
