I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
