The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
