just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
