I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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