I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
