2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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