i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize