I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
