I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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