I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
