Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
