I wish I could punch you in the face.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My penis needs a shock collar
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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