WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
