So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
