I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Are we still banned from the library?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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