I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
