is your mom at the bar?
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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