Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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