I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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