theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
