Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize