You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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