I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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