I hate your face
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize