dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
