im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Drake has all the answers
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
