did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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