Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
