I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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