Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize