Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
