Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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