so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Sober January is a disaster.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
