I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
