It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My feet surprised me
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