i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
