I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I party with great urgency now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
