yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
