Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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