If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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