after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
