her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
