Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
