I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
operation harelip BJ is a go
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
