Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
