What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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